Scoundrel Time

Hi, This Is Your Neighbor



Attention Volunteers: Due to ____________, we have updated the Get Out the Vote script as follows. Further changes will be uploaded to this site weekly daily hourly on the minute.
Please note, we have discontinued secondary primary log-in authentication of any kind.

Say: Hi, this is your neighbor, __________.  I’m calling from your Democratic precinct # ____.

Say: We know life is very challenging for everyone anyone [still] in his/her/their right mind during this unprecedented pandemic/racial unrest/voter suppression/climate disaster/federal military attack on citizenry [Add global, national, regional, state, and local events as necessary] and voting living dying in the U.S. will be a little different this time round, so we’re just checking in with folks.


Ask: How are you getting along?
Listen carefully. Check all boxes that apply to respondent’s current needs.

🟦     COVID-19 testing
🟦     Food
🟦     Medical care
🟦     Psychiatric care
🟦     Child care
🟦     Unemployment assistance
🟦     Housing
🟦     Education
🟦     Running water
🟦     Electricity
🟦     Legal services
🟦     Mortuary services


If respondent is still listening, you may continue.
Ask: Do you require any of the following?

🟦     Protection against police brutality
🟦     Protection against systemic racism
🟦     Protection against incessant governmental gas-lighting
🟦     Voting option that doesn’t necessitate exposure to COVID-19 and/or any of the above


If respondent is not hyperventilating, you may continue.
Say: Americans have always held sacred the right to vote in free and fair elections. We’re here to help you develop a Plan Prayer to Vote.

We are confident pretty sure hopeful that, no matter the obstacles, your vote will be safely cast and counted! We highly kind of recommend the Vote by Mail Option.

Emphasize: United States Postal Service (U.S.P.S.) is a venerated institution. (If respondent seems even vaguely interested, you may add: Did you know that Benjamin Franklin began his service as our first postmaster general in 1755?)

Say: While the 265-year-old U.S.P.S. is currently experiencing temporary growing pains,[1] please be assured of bi-partisan support for funding speedy resolution to delays in mail delivery ongoing bickering.    

Ask: Do you require any of the following?

🟦     Absentee ballot application
🟦     Postmaster General who knows the cost of a postcard
🟦     Functioning Postal Service, including but not limited to mail-sorting machines
🟦     Google Maps directions to the nearest blue mailbox in your neighborhood county state

Emphasize: (1) If you receive one of the 51 million ballots being sent to people who have not even requested them[2], lucky you! (2) If you live in the State of North Carolina, please note it is essential legal recommended illegal to vote twice.[3]

When If respondent stops shouting/crying/cursing, you may continue.
Say: While there is significant intelligence confirming Russian interference in the 2016 US presidential election, we have no reason suspicion clue what they’re up to this time.

Say: We realize that in the run-up to the 2016 election, a great deal of misinformation was conveyed via the social media platform Facebook, some of which originated in Russia. Please be assured any Kremlin-sanctioned Whitehouse-sanctioned meddling will not be tolerated defended even noticed this time.


If respondent [still] prefers to vote in person, you may continue.
Ask: Do you require any of the following?

🟦     Russian-to-English language app
🟦     Pup-tent and portable generator for overnight waiting
🟦     Armored vehicle transport to counter anti-mask/anti-vax/anti-sanity protesters

If respondent is still conscious, you may continue. Check all boxes that apply.

🟦     Respondent would like to register for a chance to win a spot in the DNC’s all-expenses- paid, year-long, vacation in-patient course of psychotherapy treatment at an undisclosed location.
🟦     Respondent is seeking exile to New Zealand European Union member nations China
🟦     Respondent experiences episodic moments of hope

If respondent ticks the last box:
Ask: Are you certain you wouldn’t like to consider any of the other options?



[1] Representative James R. Comer of Kentucky
[2] President Donald J. Trump
[3] President Donald J. Trump






Image By:×300.gif